Here is a personal post for my 7 readers.
For those who know me, I’ve spoken for years about writing. Perhaps even since primary school I have wanted to write but have not. I’ve loved books so much I would hug them as though they were good friends and take them to bed or to the bath. For me happiness is a good story that transports me along its journey and makes me feel life is bearable.
My hesitation in writing has not only been laziness. It’s been fear. When I write I don’t like what I say or how it comes out. It’s hard work to chase down an idea and convert it into a paragraph, an essay and mostly a story. If it doesn’t come out perfectly then it’s not worth writing. And so I don’t write.
From senior high school I lost my voice. By this I mean I’ve trembled everytime I get up to speak in front of others. My head is brimming with ideas but I cannot articulate them. I stay quiet but feel abused by extroverts who speak every thought and overlook the quiet ones. For some, quietness equals lack of personality or intellect. I feel ignored for my lack of flair, fashion, finances and for many years, lack of romantic other.
So writing now, though small, is an effort to tap into my voice. It’s an effort to squeak out my thoughts. It’s an effort to express something of what is inside. It’s an effort to grow up and move beyond the high school kid scared of speaking in public.
I’m still afraid, as though exposed and naked, as though putting my heart on a plate and to still find that I’m ignored and ignoble. I’m not Shakespeare so why try, right ? This is where you can help. To help, you can dialogue with me. You can reply to anything I write with comments, whether it’s that something made sense, or didn’t make sense, whether an idea was interesting or not interesting. That you hear me and bounce back ideas will be immensely helpful. If commenting isn’t possible you can always send me an email to jennifer@rsn8.org.
Thank you !
It’s a strange, intensely personal yet confrontingly public journey to build worlds from the clouds of your mind. But looking back they’re your worlds reflecting your mind at a moment in your history. Not many people get to meet and examine themselves for the first time. A writer does it every time they pick up a piece of their old writing. And it’s this opportunity, borne of the courage and faith it takes to resolve yourself to write, that stretches, deepens and sophisticates your world, making it a well-lived in and considered life to live. The effort is nearly always worth it. Resolve to meet yourself. No matter how scary that blank white screen can be.
You have a lot of interesting things to say Ms Bishop, and you say it with articulation and thought. I think your journey to find your own voice is off to a very good start 🙂
Thanks for the comments Grant. I hadn’t thought of it as though revisiting oneself but that’s a satisfying thought and definitely the self examination process is valuable. Cheers and please share some of your writing too sometime.